


A Night for All

by booksarebest



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: A little bit of angst, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Happy Ending, Percy and Oliver are still in school, Silver Trio, The Golden Trio, Triwizard Tournament, Why Did I Write This?, also neville is the #1 linny shipper, blaise is fed up with draco's shit, chat fic, dean and seamus are a power couple, everyone is, harry potter needs a break, hermione wants to sleep, percy weasley is not amused, ron weasley is oblivious, trust me - Freeform, whatever you'll love it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-10-18 00:01:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 8,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17570441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/booksarebest/pseuds/booksarebest
Summary: As the Yule Ball approaches, the students of Hogwarts are looking for dates--and organizing them for others.





	1. harry made a mistake over the summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's go lesbians, i've never written a fanfic but life is short and I regret everything anyways  
> plus I LOVE chat fics,, 10/10 recommend  
> basically, this is Harry's fourth year at Hogwarts, except this time he gets a break and isn't picked for the triwizard tournament  
> I hope you guys enjoy :)

golden trio  
members:  
Ron Weasley (chudleychess)  
Harry Potter (mistahpottah)  
Hermione Granger (swishandflick)

monday, 4:21 PM

chudleychess: isn't it crazy how we haven't even been in school for TWO DAYS and I'm ready to strangle snape

swishandflick: could we go five minutes without discussing snape? 

chudleychess: how can you defend him hermione?? Did you hear the way he was talking to harry? 

swishandflick: I heard it and hated it! But it's our first day back at Hogwarts and I don't want to spend it complaining!

mistahpottah: yeah hermione's got a point 

chudleychess: fine fine fine 

swishandflick: how was your summer, harry?

mistahpottah: well

mistahpottah: you know how I was thinking about showing ron some muggle memes

swishandflick: oh

swishandflick: oh no

chudleychess: HIT OR MISS

chudleychess: I GUESS THEY NEVER MISS

swishandflick: QUICK BLOCK HIM BEFORE HE SPAMS US

mistahpottah has removed chudleychess from the chat

swishandflick: harry the next time I see you, 

mistahpottah: please dont kill me I beg for your forgiveness 

swishandflick: im warning you now, if he sends me ANYTHING related to jake Paul, you'll find yourself with no eyebrows the next morning 

mistahpottah: noted

mistahpottah has added chudleychess to the chat

chudleychess: (itsfreerealestate.jpg) 

swishandflick: Merlin save us all 

 

hiss hiss bitch  
members:  
Draco Malfoy (pissoffpotter)  
Pansy Parkinson (snakechick)  
Jacob Crabbe (bodyguard01)  
Gregory Goyle (bodyguard02)  
Blaise Zabini (mrgoodlooking)

tuesday, 6:57 PM

snakechick: @crabbe + goyle, what's up with your chat names

pissoffpotter: I made them do it

pissoffpotter: they don't get it lmao

mrgoodlooking: they never get it 

snakechick: it's our fourth year!! Know what that means 

mrgoodlooking: Triwizard tournament? 

snakechick: ya but BESIDES that 

snakechick: yule ball!!!! 

pissoffpotter: oh dear God no 

snakechick: :( 

mrgoodlooking: you forget, dear pansy, that Draco is as antisocial as a man can be

mrgoodlooking: plus, Harry Potter will go with some random girl and that'll make draco depressed 

pissoffpotter: kiss my ass, zabini

mrgoodlooking: whatever, dont expect me there

mrgoodlooking: I'm going to be with a few ravenclaws trying to make magical cocaine 

snakechick: Blaise wtf no

pissoffpotter: Skskksk

snakechick: I wonder what the Gryffindors are doing now

pissoffpotter: something idiotic no doubt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put way too much effort in this chapter and it still sucks but thanks for reading!!


	2. classic seamus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THERE ARE ACTUAL CHARACTERS IN THIS CHAPTER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyy guys!! as you can see I have no regular update schedule, sorry   
> Time to introduce my favorite gays ! yeehaw

Guys being dudes   
members:   
Seamus Finnigan (screamus)  
Dean Thomas (thomasthetrain)

tuesday, 7:03 PM

screamus: ASJKBHLD

thomasthetrain: SEAMUS WHAT DID YOU DO

screamus: IT WASN'T MY FAULT

screamus: TELL PERCY IT WASN'T MY FAULT

thomasthetrain: YOU COULDVE SET THE DORM ON FIRE

screamus: FRED AND GEORGE TOOK CARE OF IT OK

thomasthetrain: PERCY IS FLIPPING HIS SHIT

 

the silver trio  
members:   
Luna Lovegood (loveydovey)  
Ginny Weasley (ginforthewin)  
Neville Longbottom (teamtrevor)

tuesday, 7:15 PM 

loveydovey: are u guys ok?

loveydovey: I heard screaming from the gryffindor dorms

ginforthewin: yeah it's ok now

ginforthewin: seamus accidentally set neville's bed on fire but Fred and George put it out

loveydovey: oh dear

loveydovey: Neville are you alright

teamtrevor: why. Why is it always me

ginforthewin: Neville where are you 

teamtrevor: in the corner of the common room, crying

ginforthewin: im coming to the rescue

loveydovey: can I come too

teamtrevor: please do 

 

golden trio  
members:   
Ron Weasley (chudleychess)  
Harry Potter (mistahpottah)  
Hermione Granger (swishandflick)

thursday, 2:28 PM

swishandflick: is Neville ok?? 

chudleychess: don't worry hermione, this isn't the first time he's cried in that corner

mistahpottah: fred and George call it the “longbottom corner” 

swishandflick: you people are awful 

chudleychess: we must be, since I cant get a date to the yule ball yet 

swishandflick: what?? Ron, the yule ball is months away

swishandflick: they haven't even picked the champions for the Triwizard tournament

chudleychess: true, but we all know it won't be me

chudleychess: harry, maybe, but not me 

mistahpottah: Ron. you KNOW I'd hate to be picked as a champion

swishandflick: we understand, Harry. 

chudleychess: yeah we been knew that you need a break

mistahpottah: thanks guys :))

chudleychess: miss me w that GOOEY SHIT 

swishandflick: WE'RE HAVING A MOMENT HERE

chudleychess: tis I, THE DASTARDLY RUINER OF MOMENTS

mistahpottah: SHHHH SNAPE’S COMING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading y'all


	3. operation blood moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hermione and neville are going to get these two together no matter WHAT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> late update SORRY  
> my schedule is wack and i'm in the middle of finals and yeah currently having a mental breakdown  
> anYWAYS have some children trying to get their pining lesbian friends together

authority figures  
members:  
Percy Weasley (headboy)  
Oliver Wood (ohcaptainmycaptain)

friday, 9:32 PM 

headboy: OLIVER. WHY IS THERE A SNITCH BUZZING AROUND THE COMMON ROOM

ohcaptainmycaptain: excuse me sir that's my emotional support snitch

headboy: I'M SERIOUS

ohcaptainmycaptain: I didn't bring it in?? Blame the twins

headboy: they're sleeping! 

ohcaptainmycaptain: are you sure about that

ohcaptainmycaptain: listen perce I just got back from a SLAMMING practice so if you could. leave me alone 

headboy: well I'm trying to study and there's still a snitch

ohcaptainmycaptain: call harry

headboy: there's an idea 

ohcaptainmycaptain: you're welcome, goodnight 

 

the disasters  
members:  
Ron Weasley (chudleychess)  
Harry Potter (mistahpottah)

friday, 10:23 PM 

chudleychess: why in bloody hell were you chasing a snitch around the common room 

mistahpottah: perrcy askied me to 

mistahpottah: imso.tiredf 

chudleychess: you do too much for this school Harry 

 

Girl Power  
members:  
Hermione Granger (swishandflick)  
Ginny Weasley (ginforthewin)  
Luna Lovegood (loveydovey) 

monday, 3:30 PM

ginforthewin: THIS AINT A RACE BUT I STILL TAKE FIRST PLACE 

ginforthewin: TAKE YO MAN JUST TO SHOVE IT IN YO FACE 

loveydovey: ginny? 

swishandflick: RON IS THAT YOU 

ginforthewin: MY NAME NOT LIGHTING BUT I STILL AM MCQUEEEN

loveydovey: for once in my life I'm confused 

swishandflick: RON IM GOING TO KILL YOU 

ginforthewin: BOLD OF YOU TO ASSUME I WONT KILL HIM FIRST, THAT PRICK ST OLE MY PHONE

loveydovey: don't beat him up too much, gin 

ginforthewin: no bloody promises 

 

the silver trio  
members:  
Luna Lovegood (loveydovey)  
Ginny Weasley (ginforthewin)  
Neville Longbottom (teamtrevor)

tuesday, 5:48 PM 

ginforthewin: hermione and I just beat my brother up 

teamtrevor: ginny 

ginforthewin: he won't be taking my phone again anytime soon

loveydovey: guess what guys!!

teamtrevor: ?

loveydovey: there’s supposed to be a meteor shower tonight!!

ginforthewin: oh yeah, some fifth-years are studying it for astronomy class 

loveydovey: who wants to watch it w/ me?? I've heard the roof has a lovely view

teamtrevor: sorry, I can’t!! Fred and George are stealing from prof. Flitwick’s office and im the lookout 

ginforthewin: wow, since when are you a lookout

ginforthewin: ill watch with u luna 

loveydovey: :))))))

teamtrevor: GOTTA GO

 

Untitled  
Members:  
Neville Longbottom (teamtrevor)  
Hermione Granger (swishandflick)  
Ron Weasley (chudleychess)  
Harry Potter (mistahpottah)  
Dean Thomas (thomasthetrain)  
Seamus Finnigan (screamus)

Tuesday, 5:51 PM

teamtrevor: RED ALERTTT

chudleychess: wtf

teamtrevor: (screenshot.jpg)

teamtrevor: THEY’RE GONNA WATCH A METEOR SHOWER

swishandflick: oh this is PERFECT

chudleychess: um can someone explain

thomasthetrain: ron, your sister is gay

chudleychess: oh

screamus: we’re trying to get her together with luna

chudleychess: oh 

swishandflick: where’s harry?

chudleychess: let him sleep he had to chase a snitch for half an hour around the common room 

screamus: this house is a fucking nightmare

thomasthetrain: tea

Swishandflick named the group chat ‘bloodmoon’ 

swishandflick: operation blood moon is in effect

chudleychess: blood moon??

swishandflick: blood because ginny’s hair is red, moon for luna 

thomasthetrain: we stan 

screamus: hermione and neville are like 99% of this operation

teamtrevor: they LOVE each other i can see it in their EYES

screamus: what are y’all gonna do

swishandflick: make sure no one interrupts them

swishandflick: in?

screamus: in

thomasthetrain: in

teamtrevor: ininin

chudleychess: u know what, imma stay out of this one

chudleychess: if ginny finds out im dead

screamus: have it your way coward

swishandflick: operation blood moon ready to go

thomasthetrain: woOO let’s gO lesBians

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as you can see, Ginny and Hermione did not kill Ron. however. his robes will never fit the same way again


	4. The man has a plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WEASLEYGANGWEASLEYGANG

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finna cry guys, finals are over, let's hope I didnt bomb :^))  
> it's time for this story to get going, so expect an actual plot for the next few chapters

WEASLEYGANGWEASLEYGANG  
members:  
Percy Weasley (headboi)  
Ron Weasley (chessmaster)  
Ginny Weasley (ginforthewin)  
Fred Weasley (icklefreddiekins)  
George Weasley (icklegeorgiepoo)

tuesday, 7:13 PM

ginforthewin: BROTHERS 

chudleychess: ginny? 

ginforthewin: not you I mean the twins 

chudleychess: they changed their names

icklefreddiekins: sure did 

icklegeorgiepoo: we've embraced them

chudleychess: wait why isn't harry here

headboi: I thought this was a family group chat

chudleychess: exactly

chudleychess added mistahpottah to the chat

mistahpottah: hey guys

icklefreddiekins: scroll up mate ^^^^

mistahpottah: aww ron :,)

chudleychess: ugh 

mistahpottah: you are gooey after all 

mistahpottah: hey fred and george I like your chat names 

ginforthewin: rip 

ginforthewin: anyway

ginforthewin: I know you two are planning something for tonight, stealing from prof. Flitwick's office and all

ginforthewin: but could you keep the chaos down to a minimum? Luna's pretty excited about this meteor shower

headboi: dont even THINK about stealing from professor flitwick you hooligans 

icklefreddiekins: we weren't 

icklegeorgiepoo: nothing was planned for tonight, actually 

icklefreddiekins: it's our day off. someone's spreading rumors, little sis

ginforthewin: yeah yeah ok 

ginforthewin: just. dont set the roof on fire 

headboi: no shenanigans at all would be appreciated 

icklefreddiekins: aye aye captain crunch 

 

operation blood moon  
members:  
Neville Longbottom (teamtrevor)  
Neville Longbottom (teamtrevor)  
Ron Weasley (chudleychess)  
Harry Potter (mistahpottah)  
Hermione Granger (swishandflick)  
Dean Thomas (thomasthetrain)  
Seamus Finnigan (screamus)Dean Thomas (thomasthetrain)  
Seamus Finnigan (screamus)

tuesday, 8:34 PM

chudleychess: COMMANDER GRANGER 

swishandflick: yessir

chudleychess: GINNY ASKED FRED AND GEORGE TO NOT DO THEIR PRANK TONIGHT

chudleychess: AND THEN THEY SAID THEY WEREN'T DOING A PRANK

teamtrevor: THAT'S BECAUSE THEY AREN'T 

teamtrevor: I JUST SAID THAT TO GET THEM ALONE TOGETHER 

swishandflick: don't panic dON'T PANIC

thomasthetrain: THE DYNAMIC DUO IS ONTO US OH GOD WE'RE DOOMED 

chudleychess: why cant we just tell fred and george?? 

swishandflick: yeah, because the twins will TOTALLY leave our plans alone and not attempt to ruin the entire operation 

screamus: brutal 

mistahpottah: rip 

chudleychess: hi harry

mistahpottah: I just speed-read the entire group chat and

mistahpottah: I have a plan 

screamus: oh shit 

thomasthetrain: the chosen one is on the scene, nvm guys we're saved 

swishandflick: harry, are you sure about this? Ginny being your ex and all 

mistahpottah: thanks hermione but I'm good

mistahpottah: now this plan is pretty shaky, but I think it'll work 

mistahpottah: but seamus 

mistahpottah: I need your help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized how short this chapter is, sorry mates  
> Anyways thanks for reading, love you all


	5. The wonder twins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fred and George are distracted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so a good samaritan let me know that Percy and Oliver would have finished their time in Hogwarts by the time Harry's in fourth year,, so,, if everyone could just ignore that detail

wanna špŕïťę čřąñbĕrrý  
members:   
Fred Weasley (icklefreddiekins)  
George Weasley (icklegeorgiepoo)  
Seamus Finnigan (screamus)  
Dean Thomas (thomasthetrain)

tuesday, 9:27 PM 

thomasthetrain: WONDER TWINS 

icklefreddiekins: what's poppin 

thomasthetrain: my dumbass boyfriend set something on fire again

icklegeorgiepoo: dean are you serious 

thomasthetrain: helllppppp

icklefreddiekins: we're not babysitters 

icklegeorgiepoo: yeah, our time is valuable my man 

thomasthetrain: I'll do your homework for a week 

icklegeorgiepoo: he drives a hard bargain 

icklefreddiekins: you've got a deal

thomasthetrain: hurry UP 

 

operation blood moon   
members:   
Neville Longbottom (teamtrevor)  
Ron Weasley (chudleychess)  
Harry Potter (mistahpottah)  
Hermione Granger (swishandflick)  
Dean Thomas (thomasthetrain)  
Seamus Finnigan (screamus) 

tuesday, 9:30 PM 

thomasthetrain: the wonder twins are successfully occupied !!

teamtrevor: why did you have to set one of MY things on fire

screamus: I'll buy you new pajamas calm down 

mistahpottah: it doesn't take too long for sixth-years to put out magical fire 

mistahpottah: hermione, get in there and make sure you delay them as long as possible 

swishandflick: on it! RONALD 

chudleychess: yup

swishandflick: how long can percy scold someone 

chudleychess: depends on what they did, his longest lecture was on the brink of 30 minutes 

swishandflick: perfect 

 

linny   
members:   
Ginny Weasley (ginforthewin)  
Luna Lovegood (loveydovey)

tuesday, 9:45

loveydovey: are you ready to go? 

ginforthewin: ive got my hat on backwards and it's time to fuckin party 

loveydovey: sigh 

loveydovey: you and your plants 

ginforthewin: VINES, luna >:((

loveydovey: I brought snacks!!! Are cookies okay with you? They have jam inside 

ginforthewin: that sounds amazing you're my best friend 

loveydovey: aw

loveydovey: the meteor shower is starting soon, I'm heading outside 

ginforthewin: right behind you 

loveydovey: I've got a blanket too btw 

ginforthewin: well then it's not my fault if I fall asleep ;)

 

wanna špŕïťę čřąñbĕrrý  
members:   
Fred Weasley (icklefreddiekins)  
George Weasley (icklegeorgiepoo)  
Seamus Finnigan (screamus)  
Dean Thomas (thomasthetrain)

tuesday, 10:39

thomasthetrain: many thanks, wonder twins, Seamus is a colossal idiot

screamus: it is true I radiate big disaster energy 

icklefreddiekins: why the HELL did hermione just storm up to us, ranting that we were breaking rules

icklegeorgiepoo: yeah?? And Percy was with her! Someone told him we put dungbombs in flitwick's cabinets 

icklefreddiekins: Percy went into one of his longer lectures and now I crave death 

thomasthetrain: oo someone's talking shit about u guys

icklefreddiekins: well who? 

screamus: you know wat 

screamus: I bet it was draco malfoy 

thomasthetrain: what?? Why would he bother

icklefreddiekins: that makes a bit of sense 

thomasthetrain: idk guys,,

icklegeorgiepoo: only one way to find out 

icklefreddiekins and icklegeorgiepoo have left the chat

thomasthetrain: 

thomasthetrain: seamus 

thomasthetrain: I'm going to kill you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, guys, thx for reading and have a snazzy day


	6. snake boy enters the scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is where it does dowwnnn guysss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually so tired guys but sleep is for the weak

Guys being dudes   
members:   
Dean Thomas (thomasthetrain)  
Seamus Finnigan (screamus)

wednesday, 8:25 AM 

screamus: are u still mad 

thomasthetrain: >:(

screamus: deeeeeaan

thomasthetrain: I'm jk 

thomasthetrain: at least now fred and George are off our backs

thomasthetrain: but now malfoy will be and that's worse

screamus: do you want me to make someone explode in potions to make you feel better 

thomasthetrain: you're sweet :) but no

thomasthetrain: just finish getting dressed and come down to the common room dork 

screamus: will do 

 

hiss hiss bitch  
members:   
Draco Malfoy (pissoffpotter)  
Pansy Parkinson (snakechick)  
Jacob Crabbe (bodyguard01)  
Gregory Goyle (bodyguard02)  
Blaise Zabini (mrgoodlooking)

tuesday, 6:30 PM 

snakechick: draco what happenedaksksksn???¿

mrgoodlooking: LMAO draco was SNATCHED 

pissoffpotter: BLAISE STOP BEING GAY FOR TWO SECONDS 

mrgoodlooking: THE HELL DID I DO 

snakechick: seriously guys wtf happened ? ?

pissoffpotter: the weasley twins fucking ATTACKED me for no reason 

mrgoodlooking: actually they came up to you, asked if you were spreading rumors about them, and then you said you had “better things to do with your time, such as watching a dead rat decay.”

snakechick: OOF SC ORE

pissoffpotter: yeah the dynamic duo were pissed and now one has a burnt robe, one has something red on his face and Draco’s in the hospital wing

snakechick: are you ok :((( 

pissoffpotter: no, PANSY, I'm NOT ok

pissoffpotter: one of them--fred or porridge or whatever--gave me a bat-boogey hex in the FACE and now I've got BUMPS ON IT THAT ARE FLAPPING AROUND

mrgoodlooking: rip 

pissoffpotter: I didnt even do anything I'm so PISSED

mrgoodlooking: want me to fight Cedric diggory for you

pissoffpotter: what the hell blaise he isn't part of this

mrgoodlooking: ya but he’s on my hit list and I figured I'd kill two birds with one stone 

pissoffpotter: wow how generous

pissoffpotter: but I can handle this on my own

snakechick: o shit

snakechick: the twins are gonna get it

 

Girl Power  
members:   
Hermione Granger (swishandflick)   
Ginny Weasley (ginforthewin)  
Luna Lovegood (loveydovey) 

wednesday, 10:23 AM 

loveydovey: the stars were so beautiful last night!!!

ginforthewin: mmmhnmmgghh

ginforthewin: im tiredslsksjkghin

swishandflick: did you two have a good time?

loveydovey: it was lovely! There were meteors everywhere and they were so bright it felt like daytime! 

ginforthewin: then we stayed up until 1 playing wizard's chess 

ginforthewin: it was fun I must say even though I'm about to kneel over 

swishandflick: ginny :(

ginforthewin: i’m all good 

swishandflick: sounds like something you two should do again

loveydovey: of course!!! u too hermione!!

swishandflick: eh 

swishandflick: meteor showers aren't really my thing unless it's for astronomy 

ginforthewin: I bet if ron asked you to you'd do it 

swishandflick: GOODNIGHT GINNY 

ginforthewin: COWARD 

 

Untitled   
members:  
Draco Malfoy (pissoffpotter)   
Harry Potter (mistahpottah) 

thursday, 3:45 PM 

pissoffpotter: POTTER

mistahpottah: why are you texting me malfoy

pissoffpotter: I wanted to know why the weasley twins attacked me for no reason tuesday, that's why

mistahpottah: idk?? Why don't you text ron, he's their brother

pissoffpotter: I would've but I doubted that family could ever afford a phone

mistahpottah: yeah okay I'm leaving, fuck off 

mistahpottah: love your username by the way, glad to know I dominate every aspect of your life 

pissoffpotter: all i want to know is why I was wrongfully jumped 

pissoffpotter: tell me why and I'll leave you alone 

mistahpottah: are you trying to blackmail me or something?

pissoffpotter: no! Dont you want to know why the twins attacked me anyway? 

mistahpottah: whatever 

 

WEASLEYGANGWEASLEYGANG   
members:   
Percy Weasley (headboi)  
Ron Weasley (chessmaster)  
Ginny Weasley (ginforthewin)  
Fred Weasley (icklefreddiekins)  
George Weasley (icklegeorgiepoo)  
Harry Potter (mistahpottah) 

thursday, 3:52 PM 

mistahpottah: hey guys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ILY YOU ALL THNX FOR READINGG


	7. welp now ron knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Draco converse. Ron learns a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ghosted this website for like a MONTH guys,, I'm so sorry...all I can do is beg for your forgiveness and promise some angst for the next chapter ;)

operation blood moon  
members:  
Neville Longbottom (teamtrevor)  
Ron Weasley (chudleychess)  
Harry Potter (mistahpottah)  
Hermione Granger (swishandflick)  
Dean Thomas (thomasthetrain)  
Seamus Finnigan (screamus) 

thursday, 4:17 PM 

thomasthetrain: WE HAVE A CODE RED

screamus: guess who screwed up guysss

teamtrevor: you? 

screamus: ;))))

thomasthetrain: Harry's plan was to blame one of the teachers for spreading rumors about Fred and George 

thomasthetrain: but my honey, the love of my life, who I value more than myself, said It was m a l f o y

swishandflick: seamus goddammit

screamus: let me just say, from the bottom of my heart, 

screamus: my bad

teamtrevor: why is this such a big deal? Fred and George fight malfoy all the time 

thomasthetrain: I'd love to agree with you, but the snake king has been extra bitter ever since his dad sent him a howler

thomasthetrain: so now this is going to grow into a full-fledged, actually-dangerous fight if we dont do something

teamtrevor: oh boy

screamus: dean I love you 

screamus: but if you keep calling draco the “snake king” I'm breaking up with you 

thomasthetrain: what a tragedy 

teamtrevor: it's hard to believe you two are dating 

screamus: if you think this is bad, you should see Oliver and Percy 

chudleychess: I'm sorry what the fuck did you just say 

thomasthetrain: ron,,come on,,,, even Fred and George are onto them at this point

chudleychess: i 

 

WEASLEYGANGWEASLEYGANG  
members:  
Percy Weasley (headboi)  
Ron Weasley (chessmaster)  
Ginny Weasley (ginforthewin)  
Fred Weasley (icklefreddiekins)  
George Weasley (icklegeorgiepoo)  
Harry Potter (mistahpottah) 

thursday, 4:27 PM 

mistahpottah: hey guys 

icklefreddiekins: hey harry 

icklegeorgiepoo: what's up 

mistahpottah: I heard that you guys jumped malfoy 

icklefreddiekins: only because the git said we were less interesting than a dead rat

icklegeorgiepoo: and spread rumors about us 

mistahpottah: ohhhh I get it 

icklefreddiekins: get what? 

chudleychess: GET THAT PERCY IS DATING SOMEONE

mistahpottah: hey ron 

chudleychess: HOW DID EVERYONE KNOW BUT ME

icklegeorgiepoo: because you're an idiot, ron 

chudleychess: i-i dedicate my entire life...to our lord and savior jesus christ…

mistahpottah: sorry guys I need to go 

 

Romione  
members:  
Ron Weasley (chudleychess)  
Hermione Granger (swishandflick)

thursday, 4:45 PM 

swishandflick: you're full of shiitake mushrooms 

chudleychess: eXcuSe me

swishandflick: we were supposed to study at the library for the pop quiz in Potions 

chudleychess: still not sure how you know when a pop quiz is coming but I'm grateful nevertheless 

swishandflick: yeah well you dont show it as you're not here

chudleychess: wdym?? I'm at the library now?? 

swishandflick: what section? 

chudleychess: um

chudleychess: cookbooks 

swishandflick: sigghhhhh

chudleychess: well where are YOU then 

swishandflick: in the potions section, shockingly 

chudleychess: not to be clingy but I would literally die without you 

swishandflick: oh shut up, you’d survive off of ramen noodles and pure spite 

chudleychess: accurate but incorrect you're like,, the reason for my survival 

swishandflick: :,)

chudleychess: :)) 

 

Untitled  
members:  
Draco Malfoy (saltysnek)  
Harry Potter (mistahpottah)

thursday, 5:00 PM 

mistahpottah: hey 

saltysnek: what's up

mistahpottah: you didnt tell me you said Fred and George were boring as dead rats

saltysnek: and 

mistahpottah: well that's a pretty big part of why they jumped you, amazingly 

saltysnek: they approached me first! As if I'd spread rumors about their dumb lives 

mistahpottah: your insult game is really off today

saltysnek: fight me you floppy haired prat

mistahpottah: lmao 

mistahpottah: either way, I know why they thought you were spreading rumors, but guess what

mistahpottah: I'm not gonna tell you 

saltysnek: wtfffff 

saltysnek: potteeerrr

saltysnek: you gots to tell me or I'll fight them myself

mistahpottah: you're not thinking straight anyway

saltysnek: ???¿¿

mistahpottah: you're high on madame pomfrey's medicine. it's really obvious 

saltysnek: >:(

mistahpottah: I'll text you when you're well enough to properly get out of bed 

saltysnek: im totally fine,, I'm just milking this hospital trip so I can avoid going to class 

mistahpottah: see, that's the kind of stuff you wouldn't tell me if you werent high 

saltysnek: mmmhnn fair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Draco's dad sent him a Howler for an unknown reason that mayyy or may not be revealed in the future  
> (also did ya notice that he changed his name)


	8. a dramatic day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some of that angst that I promised + the slytherin fam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and now we see a worried and insecure weasley in its natural habitat

authority figures   
members:   
Percy Weasley (headboy)   
Oliver Wood (ohcaptainmycaptain) 

thursday, 8:43 PM 

headboy: ron was giving me weird looks all day 

ohcaptainmycaptain: maybe he just noticed your new glasses

headboy: I think he knows 

ohcaptainmycaptain: a lot of people do. It's okay, everyone's cool with it 

headboy: what if he tells my mom 

ohcaptainmycaptain: come on perce, ron is the most loyal person in your family 

headboy: Oliver, you don't get it, I can't slip up

headboy: Bill and Charlie were perfect, Fred and George are nightmares. If I can't stand out, I'll be the brother everyone forgets 

ohcaptainmycaptain: percy 

headboy: I dont even know how Dad will feel, what if he just decides to ignore me like he always does

headboy: I've spent so much time trying to build up my reputation as the “smart brother” but if our relationship gets out then that will all go down the drain 

ohcaptainmycaptain: you dont know that Percy

ohcaptainmycaptain: your sexuality doesn't take away any of your other traits 

headboy: in my family it might 

headboy: I dont want to be known as the gay brother

ohcaptainmycaptain: what if you weren't known as any brother 

ohcaptainmycaptain: what if you were just Percy 

headboy: I wish 

ohcaptainmycaptain: alright where are you? 

 

golden trio  
members:   
Ron Weasley (chudleychess)  
Harry Potter (mistahpottah)  
Hermione Granger (swishandflick)

thursday, 9:12 PM 

chudleychess: Oliver just bolted from his room 

mistahpottah: yeah carrying like,, a whole two boxes of chocolate stuff 

chudleychess: get urself a man 

swishandflick: harry where were you today? Snape called you a “blubbering imbecile” in potions and you barely blinked 

chudleychess: I second this question 

mistahpottah: sorry guys just tired and stuff

mistahpottah: also there's a herbology essay due soon and I dont know what to do about it

chudleychess: mmm true Hermione save us 

swishandflick: that essay is about growing houseplants?? What else do you need to know?? 

chudleychess: you forget, hermione, that there's little hope for us disaster bros

chudleychess: we need you 

swishandflick: shut your mouth 

mistahpottah: will you two get a goddamn room 

 

the disasters   
members:   
Ron Weasley (chudleychess)  
Harry Potter (mistahpottah)

thursday, 9:30 PM 

chudleychess: why the fuck you lyyinnggg 

chudleychess: why you always lyingg 

mistahpottah: ron 

chudleychess: you underestimate my bullshit-o-meter harry 

chudleychess: you're spaced out because of something other than lack of sleep and I can tell 

mistahpottah: it's really nothing 

chudleychess: you dont have to tell me it's gucci 

chudleychess: but you've nearly died several times in the past and you cant blame me for a tiny bit of worry 

mistahpottah: I promise it's nothing serious 

chudleychess: alright then 

mistahpottah: but thanks for worrying ron 

mistahpottah: sometimes it's cool to have someone worry about you 

chudleychess: ugggghh you're turning me into my mum

 

Untitled   
members:   
Draco Malfoy (saltysnek)   
Harry Potter (mistahpottah) 

friday, 12:03 AM 

saltysnek: (selfie.png)

saltysnek: I lived bitch 

mistahpottah: wow seems your insult game is back 

saltysnek: forget that conversation ever happened 

saltysnek: I was, in fact, high on medicine 

mistahpottah: “fight me you floppy haired prat” 

saltysnek: can I help that your hair is the worst kind of iconic

mistahpottah: rude

saltysnek: anyway I'm out of the hospital wing. Where’s my tea 

mistahpottah: okay so, obviously you know Ron’s sister 

 

hiss hiss bitch   
members:   
Draco Malfoy (saltysnek)   
Pansy Parkinson (snakechick)  
Jacob Crabbe (bodyguard01)  
Gregory Goyle (bodyguard02)  
Blaise Zabini (mrgoodlooking)

friday, 12:49 AM 

saltysnek: EVERYBODY STFU 

mrgoodlooking: where tf are you you’ve completely ghosted the chat

saltysnek: and would everyone kindly do the same?? I’m texting someone else right now 

snakechick: wow sorry to distract you from your hot date draco damn 

snakechick has removed saltysnek from the chat

snakechick: anyway

snakechick: i have tea on that granger girl 

mrgoodlooking: spill but do it quickly 

mrgoodlooking: a bunch of fifth-years raided the kitchen last night and there’s only a few doughnuts left 

snakechick: right 

snakechick: one of my galsTM spotted her and the ginger in the library yesterday and they were holding hands 

mrgoodlooking: not to be the bearer of bad news but we been knew that they were dating?? 

snakechick: theres more 

snakechick: they were kind-of studying, kind-of cuddling n shit and then suddenly hermione just jerks her hand away and runs out of the library, leaving weasley just sitting there looking horrified 

snakechick: she was crying in the bathroom too 

mrgoodlooking: ...y’know, they always have doughnuts at breakfast

mrgoodlooking: continue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> giveblaisesomedoughnuts2019   
> a plot twist? in front of MY salad?? it's more likely than you think


	9. romione is in a pickle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ron has a mental breakdown and Hermione disappears off the face of the earth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so short and so badly written I'm sorry :,((

Untitled  
Members:  
Draco Malfoy (saltysnek)  
Harry Potter (mistahpottah) 

friday, 12:51 AM

mistahpottah: ...and that’s why Fred and George thought you were spreading rumors about them 

saltysnek: ...holy shit

saltysnek: i was expecting a prank or something not a whole wattpad fanfiction 

mistahpottah: how do you know what wattpad is 

saltysnek: I’ll have you know I’ve made emotional connections to several brown-haired pony-tailed protagonists all over the wattpad world 

mistahpottah: it really hits home when the alcoholic mom sells them off 

saltysnek: big rt 

mistahpottah: well it was really,,, interesting explaining operation blood moon over text to you 

mistahpottah: but I need to go 

saltysnek: yeah I do too 

mistahpottah: bye malfoy 

saltysnek: bye 

 

Operation blood moon  
Members:  
Neville Longbottom (teamtrevor)  
Ron Weasley (chudleychess)  
Harry Potter (mistahpottah)  
Hermione Granger (swishandflick)  
Dean Thomas (thomasthetrain)  
Seamus Finnigan (screamus) 

friday, 6:21 PM 

screamus: AYYY HOW ARE THOSE CHICKEN STRIPS 

thomasthetrain: FUCK YO CHICKEN STRIPS 

teamtrevor: at this point, 

screamus: one day my child you will learn 

teamtrevor: seamus you literally blew up a book in herbology today 

teamtrevor: do you think i want to know what goes through your head 

thomasthetrain: my wig? Snatched

screamus: thanks for convincing professor Sprout not to expel me 

teamtrevor: as long as you keep saving me food when I'm late for breakfast 

chudleychess: meetingmeetingmeetingmeeting 

screamus: oop 

 

i nearly threw hands with a 13 year old  
members:  
Seamus Finnigan (screamus)  
Ron Weasley (chudleychess)  
Dean Thomas (thomasthetrain)  
Neville Longbottom (teamtrevor)  
Harry Potter (mistahpottah) 

friday, 6:22 PM 

teamtrevor: what's wrong, ron? 

thomasthetrain: yeah we haven't thrown a boy-only meeting in ages

screamus: did someone get pregnant 

thomasthetrain: nah there's a spell for that 

thomasthetrain: deletus fetus 

teamtrevor: skqnakqks

chudleychess: guys 

chudleychess: guys 

screamus: ron. Wtf 

mistahpottah: it's okay ron I'll tell them 

mistahpottah: Hermione and Ron were studying at the library and things were going,,,well 

thomasthetrain: ohohoho

mistahpottah: but then Hermione ran away without warning and we have no idea why 

screamus: oh no 

teamtrevor: (alexaplaydespacito.png) 

screamus: ron are you ok 

mistahpottah: he's really not 

mistahpottah: he's eaten enough chocolate frogs to kill a man

thomasthetrain: alright intervention time 

mistahpottah: bring actually healthy food pls he's overdosing on sugar 

thomasthetrain: I know just the thing 

 

diversity yeehaw  
members:  
Dean Thomas (thomasthetrain)  
Blaise Zabini (mrgoodlooking)

friday, 6:30 

thomasthetrain: my guy I need a favor 

mrgoodlooking: now is not really the time 

thomasthetrain: it'll be super quick I promise

thomasthetrain: I just need some of that sleeping concoction you made with the ravenclaws last week 

mrgoodlooking: I am afraid to ask why?? 

thomasthetrain: someone is getting WAY too much sugar + caffeine and will soon be bouncing off the fucking walls 

thomasthetrain: plllleeeaaassseeeee 

mrgoodlooking: yeah ok 

mrgoodlooking: you're lucky you're the only other black kid in this school

mrgoodlooking: we have an unspoken bond 

thomasthetrain: hence the gc name :^)

 

Linny  
members:  
Ginny Weasley  
Luna Lovegood 

friday, 7:00 PM

ginforthewin: la luna come to the lake with me 

loveydovey: why? Where's Hermione? 

ginforthewin: she cried herself to sleep after telling me what happened in the library with ron

ginforthewin: I don't want to wake her up and the dorm is uncomfortably quiet,, come to the lake with me blease 

loveydovey: yes of course, is she ok?

ginforthewin: she’s pretty embarrassed about what happened 

ginforthewin: she won’t tell me why she did it though and I don't want to pry 

loveydovey: I'm coming to the lake now and I have sandwiches 

ginforthewin: how do you always have food with you?? Is there a fridge under all that shimmery hair? 

loveydovey: you think it's shimmery? :,) 

ginforthewin: I mean yeah sure it's nice 

loveydovey: <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kind of unmotivated to write right now, so sorry for all the late updates and crappy chapters. I hope you guys will bear w/ me,,, love y'all


	10. drarry and airpods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco has airpods, Ron is literally insane and no one ever helps Neville in this house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we are back in business boys   
> (completely unrelated but the Shadow Man is my favorite Disney villain ever)

i nearly threw hands with a 13 year old  
members:   
Seamus Finnigan (screamus)  
Ron Weasley (chudleychess)  
Dean Thomas (thomasthetrain)  
Neville Longbottom (teamtrevor)  
Harry Potter (mistahpottah) 

sunday, 12:29 AM 

chudleychess: HOW THE FUCK DID MALFOY GET AIRPODS

teamtrevor: I see you can text normally again 

chudleychess: HE’S A PUREBLOOD?? HE SHOULDN'T KNOW WHAT AIRPODS ARE ??? 

screamus: idk ron you know a shit ton of muggle memes for a pureblood 

chudleychess: that was Harry's fault 

mistahpottah: don't drag me into this 

thomasthetrain: oh god snape's coming. Oh god he has airpods in. He can't hear us Oh god oh fuck 

screamus: maybe I snorted 

teamtrevor: so just a quick question,,, operation blood moon,, is it still on or

thomasthetrain: ah shit I forgot to tell you guys 

thomasthetrain: I saw Ginny go down to the lake while going to the slytherin common room 

thomasthetrain: and then while coming back I saw Luna going the same direction 

mistahpottah: I have some questions 

thomasthetrain: 1) i needed Blaise Zabini to make me that sleeping potion for ron 2) I only know Blaise Zabini because he has connections with literally everyone 

mistahpottah: my questions have been answered 

chudleychess: thanks for that potion btw that shit knocked me out

teamtrevor: dean I'm going to murder you this is very significant 

thomasthetrain: sorry I was too busy with ron ok 

teamtrevor: I have to do EVERYTHING in this house 

 

Operation blood moon   
members:   
Neville Longbottom (teamtrevor)  
Ron Weasley (chudleychess)  
Harry Potter (mistahpottah)  
Hermione Granger (swishandflick)  
Dean Thomas (thomasthetrain)  
Seamus Finnigan (screamus) 

sunday, 12:41 AM 

teamtrevor: I am ending this gc's hiatus 

teamtrevor: ginny and luna will most likely fall in love without any help but that's no fun so

teamtrevor: we're back on 

thomasthetrain: there's a hogsmeade trip coming up, we can set them up for a date 

mistahpottah: I can spy on them from the roof if you want 

mistahpottah: fred and george showed me all the ways to sneak into hogsmeade. a l l of them

screamus: you can sneak into hogsmeade through the roof of the Three Broomsticks??? 

thomasthetrain: dont even fucking think about it 

screamus: yeehaw 

thomasthetrain: goddammit bye guys 

mistahpottah: should we help 

teamtrevor: no 

 

WEASLEYGANGWEASLEYGANG   
members:   
Percy Weasley (headboi)  
Ron Weasley (chessmaster)  
Ginny Weasley (ginforthewin)  
Fred Weasley (icklefreddiekins)  
George Weasley (icklegeorgiepoo)

sunday, 2:16 PM 

icklefreddiekins: oi ron 

icklefreddiekins: what's up with you and hermione 

chudleychess: rather not talk about it 

icklegeorgiepoo: you 2 have fought before but not like this

chudleychess: I really don't know what happened 

ginforthewin: neither do I, hermione won't tell me or luna

mistahpottah: I don't know either because Hermione knows if she tells me I'll tell ron 

icklegeorgiepoo: pals before gals?

mistahpottah: hermione is my pal but ok 

ginforthewin: hey say there's a guy who likes a girl, what would he do to impress her 

icklefreddiekins: it depends on what the girl likes, why 

icklegeorgiepoo: is someone making a move on you because we're happy to kill anyone, anytime 

ginforthewin: yeah no

ginforthewin: it's not for me or anything don't worry 

headboi: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS 

headboi: FRED AND GEORGE. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS 

mistahpottah: ??? 

headboi: there's food all over my FUCKING bed 

icklefreddiekins: we didn't do it wtf

icklegeorgiepoo: yeah we're too busy bullying ron to pick on you 

ginforthewin: it was the slytherins 

headboi: HOW DO YOU KNOW 

ginforthewin: dean told me blaise told him they were planning something

chudleychess: that sentence made my head spin for some reason. Never get me involved with gossip 

mistahpottah: see you guys later 

chudleychess: (thereshegoesvine.gif) 

 

sharkboy and lavagirl   
members:   
Draco Malfoy (saltysnek)  
Harry Potter (mistahpottah) 

sunday, 2:30 PM

mistahpottah: did you really sneak into the gryffindor dorms to cover Percy's bed with food 

saltysnek: that was blaise, actually 

saltysnek: and his fanbase of third years 

mistahpottah: if anyone has a fanbase, it's you 

mistahpottah: I'm sure there's a club that meets every wednesday lead by Pansy Parkinson 

saltysnek: jealous? 

mistahpottah: hardly 

saltysnek: it's not like you're so invisible, mr. Chosen one

saltysnek: I feel like I'm the only one who sees through your humble little martyr act 

mistahpottah: if you dislike me so much, why'd you name our group chat 

saltysnek: >:(

saltysnek: fuck you and your chicken strips 

mistahpottah: jesus you're worse than Ron 

saltysnek: ah yes is the ginger ok

saltysnek: I'm all for mental breakdowns but I know breakups can be t o u g h 

mistahpottah: well they didn't really break up?? More like their unspoken thing kinda fell apart and now they're both a mess 

mistahpottah: tbh I really don't know what to do, they fight all the time but I can't wait it out like usual 

saltysnek: I'd lock them in a broom closet and let nature take its course but I figure that's not what you're about 

saltysnek: my advice is just,, try to get them to talk 

mistahpottah: that's better than what Neville said

mistahpottah: he wanted to give Hermione a bouquet of flowers and say it was from ron 

saltysnek: does he want to help or start drama?

mistahpottah: exactly 

mistahpottah: thanks draco

saltysnek: yeah sure whatever potter

 

hiss hiss bitch   
members:   
Draco Malfoy (saltysnek)   
Pansy Parkinson (snakechick)  
Jacob Crabbe (bodyguard01)  
Gregory Goyle (bodyguard02)  
Blaise Zabini (mrgoodlooking)

sunday, 3:08 PM 

saltysnek: (screenshots.jng) 

saltysnek: GUYS HOLY F UCK

mrgoodlooking: oh SHIT 

snakechick: right in front of my salad

mrgoodlooking: if I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times. This kid is a player 

saltysnek: don't call me kid but thnx

saltysnek: he called me draco!!!! My first name!!!!! Fuck!!!!

snakechick: I can't believe you're becoming acquainted with the one and only Harry Potter 

mrgoodlooking: listen draco noah fence but if it were me I would've ghosted you

mrgoodlooking: I mean, I would've assumed you were trying to assassinate me 

saltysnek: yeah blaise that's because you're smart 

saltysnek: this dumbass is pouring his heart out to me and acting like I'm the answer to all his problems instead of his in-school enemy 

saltysnek: I'm not even forcing the conversation it's like he ENJOYS MY COMPANY FUCK 

snakechick: hello 911 draco is having a breakdown 

mrgoodlooking: he's just not used to people liking him back

saltysnek: fuck off fuck off fuck off 

snakechick: just be careful w/ potter, I don't see this ending well 

saltysnek: what's up with you pansy r u jealous??

saltysnek: WAIT SHIT DO YOU ACTUALLY RUN A FAN CLUB FOR ME THAT MEETS ON WEDNESDAYS 

mrgoodlooking: wtf how'd you know 

snakechick: i'm going to kill potter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see you next time partners yeehaw (pls help)


	11. hogsmeade's coming up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> operation blood moon is backkk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hermione is back to kick names and take ass

Operation blood moon  
members:  
Neville Longbottom (teamtrevor)  
Ron Weasley (chudleychess)  
Harry Potter (mistahpottah)  
Hermione Granger (swishandflick)  
Dean Thomas (thomasthetrain)  
Seamus Finnigan (screamus) 

monday, 12:36 AM 

teamtrevor: why do people care so much about top and bottom? I'd honestly just be excited to have a bunk bed 

thomasthetrain: I

screamus: I'm gonna tell him 

swishandflick: dont you DARE.

teamtrevor: HERMIONEEEEEEE

thomasthetrain: welcome back our crops are watered our skin is clear 

screamus: can I please tell him 

swishandflick: no.

teamtrevor: I wish I knew what was going on 

mistahpottah: hey hermione how are you 

swishandflick: I'm doing fine harry how about you 

mistahpottah: well the entire operation fell apart without you so if you leave again I'll fight 

swishandflick: :)

screamus: wait where's tall and freckled??? 

chudleychess: present 

screamus: (johncenathemesong.jpg)

screamus: the m an of the h o u r 

chudleychess: innnnn west philadelphia born and raised

swishandflick: let's just focus on luna and ginny ok

thomasthetrain: the hogsmeade trip is tomorrow, we need to come up with a blan

mistahpottah: the offer of the secret passageway still stands,,, I can spy on them from the three broomsticks’ roof 

screamus: I can go with harry :)))))

thomasthetrain: n o 

swishandflick: there's that gross pink cafe where all the couples go. Ginny just has to ask Luna there 

chudleychess: how do we do that ?? 

teamtrevor: yeah, ginny has been giving luna heart eyes for days but she's too nervous to ask her out 

chudleychess: can I just say that I had no idea my sister sipped the gay juice until a few months ago

chudleychess: or that my brother was dating the gryffindor quidditch captain until like,, 2 weeks ago 

mistahpottah: we get it ron you're oblivious 

chudleychess: what i MEAN is that this plan can't be subtle like the meteor shower thing 

chudleychess: we need to go f u l l f r o n t a l

screamus: well how tf do we do that 

swishandflick: I think I have an idea 

 

the silver trio  
members:  
Ginny Weasley (ginforthewin)  
Neville Longbottom (teamtrevor)  
Luna Lovegood (loveydovey)

monday, 1:51 PM 

teamtrevor: how are y'all feeling about the hogsmeade trippppp

ginforthewin: I'm ready af to buy out honeydukes 

ginforthewin: and if you think I'm sharing anything you're dreaming 

teamtrevor: screw you I'll get seamus to give me all his chocolate frogs anyway

teamtrevor: where’s luna? 

ginforthewin: at her weekly visit with moaning myrtle 

ginforthewin: I really don't know what she sees in her but god myrtle loves her 

teamtrevor: lmao jealous much 

ginforthewin: delete that fucking text you meanie 

teamtrevor: whatever,, text me 

 

sharkboy and lavagirl  
members:  
Draco Malfoy (saltysnek)  
Harry Potter (mistahpottah)

monday, 1:31 PM 

mistahpottah: um,, hey draco 

saltysnek: hi potter what's up

mistahpottah: it's taking all the strength I possess to ask you this but um 

mistahpottah: I've already told you about operation blood moon and 

saltysnek: holy shit. Is this what I think it is 

mistahpottah: pls don’t make me regret it

saltysnek: can I just rub it in your face once. Just once. Please please please

mistahpottah: ugghh fine 

saltysnek: THE GREAT HARRY POTTER HIMSELF NEEDS DRACO FUCKING MALFOY'S HELP GETTING HIS FRIENDS TO KISS BWAHHAHA

mistahpottah: are you finished 

saltysnek: yup :))) what do you need help on

mistahpottah: it's a really weird request 

saltysnek: I still can't believe you're asking me?? For help??? Why don't you ask your 2000+ friends 

mistahpottah: I don't want to pretend to date my 2000+ friends...

saltysnek: …..

saltysnek: wait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The old idea train is running a little dry :(( but I'm gonna continue this groupchat fic if it's the last thing I fuckin do


	12. the date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids have a double-date in Madame Puddifoot's tea shop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys aren't going to believe who's gonna see Captain Marvel soon

Operation blood moon  
members:  
Neville Longbottom (teamtrevor)  
Ron Weasley (chudleychess)  
Harry Potter (mistahpottah)  
Hermione Granger (swishandflick)  
Dean Thomas (thomasthetrain)  
Seamus Finnigan (screamus) 

monday, 1:53 AM 

mistahpottah added saltysnek to the chat 

swishandflick: is he in?

mistahpottah: he's in 

saltysnek: hi losers :)))) 

chudleychess: all the people. all the people in this whole school. and you want to pretend you. and draco malfoy. are dating

saltysnek: nice to see you too weasley 

saltysnek: I just want to make this clear. The only reason I'm doing this is because I'm a slut for drama 

thomasthetrain: yeah we know that 

screamus: this is not going to work this is not going to work this is not going to work aughehshsghs

chudleychess: deep breaths dumbass

screamus: augehjsjsjejensj

saltysnek: what's up with Finnigan

thomasthetrain: dont mind him, hes panicking because his wig is too tight 

saltysnek: I'm sorry what 

swishandflick: do we need to go over the plan again?? 

mistahpottah: yes pls 

swishandflick: sigghhhhhh 

swishandflick: ok so, Harry asked Ginny and Luna to come with him on a fake date with Draco for “moral support” 

swishandflick: but after like five minutes, draco and harry are going to leave, leaving Ginny and Luna in the couples’ cafe alone 

swishandflick: seamus, in disguise somewhere, will text us everything that goes on during Ginny and Luna's date

saltysnek: hence the wig? 

screamus: IT WONT FIT 

thomasthetrain: fuck this, I'm asking the wonder twins for the polyjuice potion they stole yesterday 

swishandflick: no time!!!! Seamus get that fucking wig on we need to gO

mistahpottah: draco and I are leaving for our date~

chudleychess: please only do that when ginny and luna are around 

saltysnek: this gc is insane I'm cackling 

 

sharkboy and lavagirl  
members:  
Draco Malfoy (saltysnek)  
Harry Potter (mistahpottah)

monday, 2:15 AM 

saltysnek: so. we're pretend-dating

mistahpottah: idk I just thought it would be,,, not fun exaclty,, but you didnt refuse right away and then you accepted so I figured you know

saltysnek: What's your favorite color

mistahpottah: uh

saltysnek: So we can do this damn thing properly 

mistahpottah: red I guess

saltysnek: mine is gold

mistahpottah: of course 

saltysnek: excuse moi

mistahpottah: idk you just seem like you're a gold kind of person

saltysnek: was that a cOmPliMent ???

mistahpottah: we can do this thing properly :)

 

linny  
members:  
Ginny Weasley (ginforthewin)  
Luna Lovegood (loveydovey)

monday, 2:21 AM 

ginforthewin: where are you luna??? 

loveydovey: sorry! Talking with Myrtle again, she’s sad because she misses hogsmeade 

ginforthewin: isn't she always sad? Come onnnn 

loveydovey: coming! I'm excited 

ginforthewin: I'm still reeling from when harry asked us to come along for his date with Draco Malfoy 

loveydovey: I'm not that surprised really 

loveydovey: it was bound to happen eventually 

ginforthewin: whatever you say 

 

Operation blood moon  
members:  
Neville Longbottom (teamtrevor)  
Ron Weasley (chudleychess)  
Harry Potter (mistahpottah)  
Hermione Granger (swishandflick)  
Dean Thomas (thomasthetrain)  
Seamus Finnigan (screamus)   
Draco Malfoy (saltysnek)

monday, 2:30 AM 

thomasthetrain: HOGSMEADEEEEE

thomasthetrain: ginny and luna are at honeydukes just a heads up 

swishandflick: what r they doing? 

thomasthetrain: buying a terrifyingly large amount of every-flavour beans

thomasthetrain: I'm lowkey disturbed guys… that's a shit ton of jelly beans 

mistahpottah: dont question it 

chudleychess: harry and I are window shopping btw 

chudleychess: watch me waste all my money on a chudley cannons merch scarf 

saltysnek: dear Merlin dont do that

saltysnek: it will clash horribly with your hair 

chudleychess: take one look at my username and ask me if you think I give a fuck 

mistahpottah: draco. now he's gonna waste all his money on a neon orange scarf out of pure spite

saltysnek: w h o o ps 

saltysnek: I can buy out the entire chudley cannons merch collection if you want weasley ;)))

chudleychess: go away you rich asshole 

screamus: this wig is itchy I hate my life 

swishandflick: deal with it seamus you volunteered for this 

screamus: technically dean did and then forced me to agree 

screamus: either way, I've been sitting in Madam Puddifoot's cafe for half an hour and people are giving me weird looks 

screamus: there's this one kid who looks like he feels sorry for me, he thinks my date ditched me or somethin 

swishandflick: wait he thinks you're a girl??? 

screamus: maybe? 

swishandflick: thank god the disguise works 

saltysnek: lmao 

screamus: gUYS THEY JUST WALKED IN 

mistahpottah: who??? Ginny and luna??? 

screamus: NO SOME SLYTHERINS

screamus: IF THEY SEE ME I'LL BE FHE LAUGHINGSTOCK OF HOGWARTS UNTIL I DIE 

screamus: SNAKE BOY. DO SOMETHING 

saltysnek: oh shit uhh 

saltysnek: brb 

 

hiss hiss bitch  
members:  
Draco Malfoy (saltysnek)  
Pansy Parkinson (snakechick)  
Jacob Crabbe (bodyguard01)  
Gregory Goyle (bodyguard02)  
Blaise Zabini (mrgoodlooking)

monday, 2:45 

saltysnek: ZABINI 

mrgoodlooking: mmm

saltysnek: are you by any chance at Madam Puddifoot's with a bunch of other slytherins right now 

mrgoodlooking: wtf are you stalking me 

saltysnek: oh thank god ok you need to get out of there NOW 

mrgoodlooking: ??? bitch I want a biscuit 

saltysnek: get a BUTTERBEER ok 

mrgoodlooking: draco I'm hungry 

mrgoodlooking: why dont you want us here ?? Are you on a date or smth?? Elaborate 

saltysnek: you have no idea 

saltysnek: pls pls pls I'll buy you something from honeydukessss

mrgoodlooking: hmmm 

mrgoodlooking: all of the chocolate frogs 

saltysnek: all? 

mrgoodlooking: all 

saltysnek: uggghhhhhhhh finnnneeee you're lucky I'm loaded

mrgoodlooking: yaay

 

Operation blood moon  
members:  
Neville Longbottom (teamtrevor)  
Ron Weasley (chudleychess)  
Harry Potter (mistahpottah)  
Hermione Granger (swishandflick)  
Dean Thomas (thomasthetrain)  
Seamus Finnigan (screamus)   
Draco Malfoy (saltysnek)  


monday, 3:12

saltysnek: thank me later 

screamus: they're ??? leaving?? 

screamus: one of them caught my eye and fucking winked as he left I'm crying 

mistahpottah: RON IS EATING TOO MANY CANDIES HELPL

swishandflick: ron?? 

chudleychess: harry needs to relax I'm fineee

mistahpottah: you wont be in an hour and then I'll have to hear you complain all night 

mistahpottah: he's staining his neon orange scarf 

swishandflick: :((

chudleychess: I'll stop I'll stop 

screamus: GINNY AND LUNA JUST WALKED IN 

swishandflick: AAA

screamus: get your asses over here

saltysnek: OKOK LET'S GO 

chudleychess: THIS IS GONNA BE G O O D 

saltysnek: time for the acting challenge of my life

mistahpottah: I hope you remember what my favorite color is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Petition for Draco and Loki to meet and bond over their pettiness and love of green


	13. butterbeer and viktor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some filler conversation and a new character ;))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've been over this before folks :(( sorry I haven't updated, enjoy the chapter

Operation blood moon   
members:   
Neville Longbottom (teamtrevor)  
Ron Weasley (chudleychess)  
Harry Potter (mistahpottah)  
Hermione Granger (swishandflick)  
Dean Thomas (thomasthetrain)  
Seamus Finnigan (screamus)   
Draco Malfoy (saltysnek)

monday, 3:47 PM

chudleychess: if someone held me at gunpoint and said the only way to live was to eat a raw tomato I'd die

thomasthetrain: can u stay focused for 3 seconds 

thomasthetrain: your sister is on a date 

chudleychess: I hope it's going great !! But you know what ISNT great????????? tomatoes 

screamus: they've been talking for awhile now 

screamus: draco just told a joke and luna nearly fell off her chair laughing 

swishandflick: I love luna sm 

teamtrevor: back off hermione >:(( luna is my child we established that since first year

thomasthetrain: Neville were tf were you the entire day?? Were you in a black hole or something?? 

teamtrevor: proffesor sprout asked me to stay in school and help her with some dying plants 

teamtrevor: I almost said no but,, 

chudleychess: you missed half of a hogsmeade trip over some PLANTS

teamtrevor: the,,,, plants,, were dying,,,I saved them

teamtrevor: plus I got extra creditttt

thomasthetrain: shut up ron he’s a hero

swishandflick: im getting a butterbeer who wants to come 

thomasthetrain: sorry I'm with Blaise Zabini buying literally all the chocolate frogs in honeydukes 

thomasthetrain: blaise keeps saying to “put it on draco's card” which makes no sense but 

chudleychess: freaky flexing. but alright 

thomasthetrain: excuse me what did you just say 

chudleychess: I'll come Hermione 

swishandflick: ok Neville what about u

teamtrevor: no thanks I'm not that hungry

screamus: guuyyyyssss they're holding handss

teamtrevor: ginny and luna??

screamus: both couples actually 

chudleychess: malfoy is giving me weird vibes tbh 

swishandflick: why, because he's a good actor?? Honestly ron smh 

thomasthetrain: aright cut the bullshit 

thomasthetrain: even Ronald fucking weasley himself knows that they aren't acting

swishandflick: d e l e t e those me s s a g e s 

chudleychess: if I'm forced into yet another ship gc I will die 

 

wattpad fanfiction   
members:   
Neville Longbottom (teamtrevor)  
Ron Weasley (chudleychess)  
Hermione Granger (swishandflick)  
Dean Thomas (thomasthetrain)  
Seamus Finnigan (screamus) 

monday, 4:02 PM 

chudleychess: I'm going to die

thomasthetrain: fergalicious 

swishandflick: well I guess we're doing this now 

screamus: draco and harry aren't holding hands anymore but ginny and luna are 

chudleychess: watch them play it off as a ‘friendly gesture’

teamtrevor: ah lesbians

screamus: ngl this is actually really fun to watch 

screamus: they just got their tea and cookies so it's around time for harry and draco to leave 

screamus: wait draco is leaning into harry oh boy

swishandflick: woo

teamtrevor: this is so nerve wracking for absolutely no reason 

screamus: that's because you're a naturally nervous person Nev

teamtrevor: hm

swishandflick: tell them to quit the love-making and leave ginny and luna alone 

thomasthetrain: yeah this is a day for l e s b i a n energy

screamus: dont worry guys harry is taking his boyfriend out 

screamus: OF THE CAFE. he's not killing him I swear

chudleychess: lmao 

 

Operation blood moon   
members:   
Neville Longbottom (teamtrevor)  
Ron Weasley (chudleychess)  
Harry Potter (mistahpottah)  
Hermione Granger (swishandflick)  
Dean Thomas (thomasthetrain)  
Seamus Finnigan (screamus)   
Draco Malfoy (saltysnek)

monday, 4:13 PM 

screamus: okay guys I would love to narrate the rest I really would but I have too piss like a racehorse so if you'll excuse me imma blast 

thomasthetrain: COWARD. ABSOLUTE PUNK. HOLD IT IN LIKE A MAN

mistahpottah: hey y'alllllll

saltysnek: no need for applause boys, my oscar nomination is already on it's way 

screamus: I have to say it was quite inspiring. My gay scale has been ranked up to a 12 

thomasthetrain: get off your phone while in the loo you absolute cretin

chudleychess: I like em big 

chudleychess: I like em chunky 

swishandflick has removed chudleychess from the chat

swishandflick: anyway 

swishandflick: the yule ball isn't that far away

saltysnek: ew catch me completely ditching and joining the youngster slytherins to play board games

saltysnek: there's this scrabble tournament I'm really looking foward to 

thomasthetrain: I'd kick your ass in scrabble 

mistahpottah: yIKES 

swishandflick: EVERYONE COME TO THE THREE BROOMSTICKS RON JUST ORDERED 200 BUTTERBEERS 

chudleychess: I only!! ordered!! 12!! you assume I have enough money to pay for 200 butterbeets 

saltysnek: BUTTERBEETS 

saltysnek: I'll come 

saltysnek: but dont expect me to pay you back, Father is already going to kill me once he finds out I bought out Honeydukes’ chocolate frogs 

thomasthetrain: WAIT ZABINI WAS TELLING THE TRUTH 

saltysnek: if you see blaise, tell him I hope he overdoses on cocoa beans and dies 

thomasthetrain: I'll tell him you love him :)

mistahpottah: where's seamus? Why isnt he texting ussss

screamus: I was in the bathroom wtf 

swishandflick: updates?

screamus: still holding hands and talking, Ginny has a really good-looking cake thing and Luna's drinking tea 

screamus: thank god they can't recognize me or I'd wouldn't be able to show my face ever again 

 

linny   
members:   
Ginny Weasley (ginforthewin)  
Luna Lovegood (loveydovey)

monday, 4:30 PM 

ginforthewin: he thinks we're stupid 

loveydovey: he thinks he can pull off a wig 

ginforthewin: they're all spying on us aren't they 

loveydovey: I think it's nice that they want to set us up 

ginforthewin: the fact that they chose Seamus to be the spy is the worst part of their plan and actually pretty impressive 

loveydovey: you wanna go somewhere else 

ginforthewin: absolutely 

 

Operation blood moon   
members:   
Neville Longbottom (teamtrevor)  
Ron Weasley (chudleychess)  
Harry Potter (mistahpottah)  
Hermione Granger (swishandflick)  
Dean Thomas (thomasthetrain)  
Seamus Finnigan (screamus)   
Draco Malfoy (saltysnek)

monday, 4:32 PM 

screamus: they're LEAVING 

mistahpottah: I guess their date is over

saltysnek: but ours isn't amirite potty ;))) 

chudleychess: pls stop I'm sobbingnf 

swishandflick: butterbeer is heaven in a jar 

screamus: hermione be careful 

screamus: the last time you had too much butterbeer you started crying while hugging your books saying how they were your only friends 

mistahpottah: I remember that I was so insulted 

saltysnek: there is literally no point to existence at all 

teamtrevor: draco dropped his butterbeer 

mistahpottah: you can have some of mine u snake

thomasthetrain: the fourth years really out here in whole-ass committed relationships?? The only thing I was fucking at that age was fucking stupid 

chudleychess: I guess we can call this hogsmeade trip an unqualified success :))

swishandflick: shit 

swishandflick: I have to go. Sorry guys I just remembered I need to study for herbology 

teamtrevor: the test isn't that hard Hermione, you'll do wonderfully 

screamus: you're the one to talk, tree-hugger 

teamtrevor: if you continue with this behavior, imma talk to prof. Sprout and THEN we'll see who's crying 

swishandflick: I forgot to do the study guide. I'll see you tomorrow 

chudleychess: Hermione? 

chudleychess: didn't you do the study guide last week? 

 

untitled   
members:   
Hermione Granger (swishandflick)  
Viktor Krum (darkhairedbullet)

monday, 4:59 PM 

swishandflick: viktor, where are you? 

darkhairedbullet: at the edge of the woods

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yee yee the weather is getting warmer and I'm rEADY for spring


End file.
